Kabuki Village

Ship of Cools

Yes it is true.  For an entire week, I spent my days on Holland America’s Eurodam with 700 folks on the National Review Cruise.  Speakers included the amazing Mark Steyn, Byron York, Stephen Spruiell, Deroy Murdock, John O’Sullivan, Mitt Romney, Fred Thompson and Roman Genn, the brilliant artist for the magazine.  It will take several postings for me to capture all of my thoughts and all of the fun so bear with.

A critical and typically classwarfarish article came out last year about the 2007 cruise that refered to a ship of fools...I assure you, it was a ship of cools....

In no particular order, I want to discuss the speakers.  Mark Steyn…..sigh…..what can be said about that man that can truly do him justice?  On the panels, he was the perfect mix of intellectual brilliance and wit that we all know and admire.  In person, he was a real person.  If anyone could have behaved as a prima donna, he would fit the bill. 

But he was far from that.  Despite the fact that everywhere he went he was trailed by a small group of ever changing admirers, he was charming. While many may have thought Mitt and Fred were the “stars”, it was clearly Mark who was top on every list.

I had the pleasure of sitting with a small group after dinner that included Mark.  He was witty, clever and so damn funny my sides almost hurt.  But more than that, he did not devolve into the “Mark Steyn” show.  He asked everyone for their opinions, asked about their lives, and talked about as much of any of us.  He could have indulged in a two hour monologue and we would have all been thrilled.  Instead, he proved himself to be a classy man and a regular Joe….if by regular Joe you mean a man with a mind that is almost unparalleled and a wit that shines and yet has the charm the girls from 20-90 and leave them drooling.

It is always strange to meet folks you look up to and have read for ages.  It is hard to imagine they could possibly live up to the lofty throne we put them on.  In this case, Steyn surpassed any of my expectations.

One of the highlights of the week was a panel with Steyn, Jonah Goldberg and Rob Long…..more on that later .

You Had Me At... Doggy Style

And I literally mean “doggy style”. Read on…

Davis County, UTAH —  A 14-year-old Utah boy has been charged with bestiality and lewdness for allegedly raping a dog, according to local affiliate FOX 13.

That’s right, the boy raped a dog. Here’s the blaring question that pops into my mind: Just what the hell would make a kid rape a dog? I mean, in this age of promiscuity why would a guy have to stoop to nailing a dog when he has a decent shot a hanging one up in Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, or an entire laundry list of skanky, easy, and bipedal volunteers that would be more than happy to stoop to whatever depravity this kid would have wanted?

What goes through that kid’s head when he sees a poodle walk by? “Oh yeah, I got get me some of that hairy ass”? “Ohh, she’s like a bitch in heat”? Dude, she literally IS a bitch in heat!

FOX 13 spoke with Cheryl Smith, executive director of the Utah Animal Adoption Center, about the case. She urged lawmakers to pass stricter laws against people who intentionally harm animals.

"These crimes are getting more and more common. And it’s very disturbing," she said.

What?!?! More and more common? This is the first I’ve heard of this? Are there gangs of young hoodlums running around buggering beagles? Is there a rash Shih-Tzu sodomy? German Shepherd shagging? Poodle pumping?

You had me at......virgins

The primary season should be about who makes it through the crapfest...frankly, if you get all girly and woozy during this phase, how can anyone be confident that you will make it through the shitstorm ahead?  Not only are you up against the mainstream media, the Clinton mafia is in the mix, whether the bride of Satan is the D nominee or not.

When somebody can find a moment to make me laugh during this, and simultaneously talk about virgins, which makes me think of sex, which makes me happy, he is certainly on his way to getting me on board....

Like John F'ing Kerry at a campaign stop, I am flip flopping all over the place, but this week, Fred Thompson had me at....virgins...

"I think one more step and they (sic Iran) would have been meeting those virgins they've been looking so forward to seeing."

Mmmmmmm.....I feel all happy inside.......

You had me at…

…three quadrillion dollars.

NEW ORLEANS - Hurricane Katrina's victims have put a price tag on their suffering and it is staggering — including one plaintiff seeking the unlikely sum of $3 quadrillion.

A whopping $3,014,170,389,176,410 is the dollar figure so far sought from some of the largest claims filed against the federal government over damage from the failure of levees and flood walls following the Aug. 29, 2005, hurricane.

Woooooow. I am truly amazed at the level of arrogance shown by these people. I do understand the concept of reparations, but if you build your home in a flood basin, you should probably expect to get flooded. They did not build their homes in the “billions of dollars in reparations” basin and should therefore not expect billions of dollars in reparations. In fact, considering the considerable squalor and postage stamp sized homes that a lot of these folks lived in (let’s face it, you would need the Hovel telescope to see some of these… get it? “Hovel” instead of “Hubble”? God I’m funny!), they should feel ashamed to ask for anything above the double digit thousands for total net worth compensation… and that’s if they actually deserved it in the first place.

But let’s face it, people that bitch about not having any place to put their big, flat screen TV’s (paid for by Katrina cards) and then in the same breath say that they can’t afford housing and health care really should look up the word “irony” in the dictionary if for no other reason than to satisfy their narcissistic tendencies and see their own pictures next to the entries.

Hey, how about this: if you want your 3 quadrillion dollars, don’t sue the federal government that poured tons of money into trying to make your dumb asses safe in a flood zone. Take your case to the guy that sent the flood in the first place. I can just see the case log now: The poor people of New Orleans who weren’t smart enough to build their homes outside of a flood zone vs. God. Well, we all know how that worked out the first time now don’t we?

You had me at...........