Kabuki Village

Chris Matthews, You’re A Lying, Cowardly, Backpedaling Piece Of [economic stimulus package]

NEW YORK – MSNBC's Chris Matthews said he was surprised by the "peculiar stagecraft" of Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal's response to President Barack Obama's speech to Congress, leading him to quietly say "Oh God" as Jindal approached a microphone.

"Gov. Bobby Jindal walking from somewhere in the back of this narrow hall, this winding staircase looming there, the odd antebellum look of the scene," he said. "Some people heard my reaction at the time. What was the message in all this? Was this some mimicking of a president walking along the state floor to the East Room? And at the same time that the Republicans are so far from Washington that they can't be blamed for anything?"

Matthews said he wasn't referring to Jindal himself, or anything he expected the governor to say.

Really? You really think we’re going to buy that lame explanation? From where did you expect the governor to come, Chris? Were you expecting him to beam down from somewhere? Were you expecting him to slide down the banister of the stairs or maybe do a dance routine down the staircase in a black tuxedo, top hat, and white spats? What exclamation of surprise would any of those situations have evoked, Chris? Would you have muttered “filthy half breed” and then tried to cover it up by saying “well, I was just surprised that he had a teleportation device so I muttered ‘filthy half breed’”? Or maybe you would have gasped “God I f***ing hate Republican swine and I think we should ship them all off to concentration camps for the ‘Final Solution’ and then tried to cover it up by some completely unbelievable explanation like “well, um, anyone wearing white spats just adds to the ‘odd antebellum look’ of a scene and I just think anyone that doesn’t worship my god Ahura Obama Mazda should be shot on sight… wait, I mean…”.

Chris Matthews’ thin and tattered veil of objectivity was ripped away in the whirlwind of Obamamania a long, long time ago. With statements such as “it is my job to support this president” (referring to Obama of course) and assertions that he might run for office on a Democratic ticket, no one is buying his version of “objectivity” anymore. Chris Matthews went from “in the tank” to “in love” many, many months ago and now his hatred for anything and anyone right of center can no longer even be controlled. His leftist seething is seeping out like water from an overfilled water balloon and like the water balloon that internal pressure will eventually cause him to explode and hopefully destroy himself in the process.

It seems to me that accountability, class, and basic, common courtesy just aren't expected of Matthews and his ilk, so in the interest of fair play, I would like to make my own classless, rude, and biased statement: If Barry O invited Chris Matthews to get bent over the desk in the Oval Office for some executive sodomy, Mathews would refuse the lube just so he could be closer to his lord and master. Oh, and by that statement I mean that I was just surprised by Chris Matthews’ “peculiar stagecraft” and “odd antebellum look”.

Because If We Don't Demonize You, People Might Look At Us A Bit More Closely

The Associated Press loves to use aggrandizing headlines and shock tactics to get people to read their particular brand of drivel and sway people toward their thinly veiled political platforms as a matter of standard operating procedure, so the following lead paragraph from a recent AP story did not shock me in the least…

McALLEN, Texas – Vice President Dick Cheney and former Attorney General Alberto Gonzales have been indicted on state charges involving federal prisons in a South Texas county that has been a source of bizarre legal and political battles under the outgoing prosecutor.

Now, the average reader in America would only get about that far and then start yammering on about how corrupt Cheney is and how Gonzales should be thrown in the clink with all of his peer criminals (you know, like murderers and rapists and conservatives) and have the key thrown away. The above average American, however, would choose to read further and try to discern just what the heck is going on here. I lump myself in with the latter group and therefore I read more of the story…

The indictment returned Monday has not yet been signed by the presiding judge, and no action can be taken until that happens.

Ah. So, they haven’t really been indicted because the judge hasn’t signed the order and most likely he probably won’t because most likely he is not a grandstanding local DA with political aspirations. So the local DA gets a wild hair and puts in a request to indict and, even without an authorizing signature on the order, the AP jumps on it like a hero on a grenade… no, more like junkie on a packet of heroin.

But still, I’ve got an inquisitive nature and I long for justice as much as the next guy, so if there really are bad goings-on at the hands of our current VP and our former US Attorney General I want to know about it and I want it dealt with accordingly, so I read on…

Guerra said the prison-related charges against Cheney and Gonzales are a national issue and experts from across the country testified to the grand jury.

A “national issue”?!? Wow, that sounds really important now! I better keep reading and find out what all this “national issue” business is…

Cheney is charged with engaging in an organized criminal activity related to the vice president's investment in the Vanguard Group, which holds financial interests in the private prison companies running the federal detention centers. It accuses Cheney of a conflict of interest and "at least misdemeanor assaults" on detainees because of his link to the prison companies.

Okay, you lost me there. So because Dick Cheney has investments in a company which holds interests in other companies that administer jails in a various states, then Cheney himself is personally responsible for assaults on detainees because of a “link to prison companies”? What they hell are they talking about?!? He’s at least four places removed from any wrongdoing and they want to nail him to the wll for federal MISDOMEANOR charges? Gimme a break! Talk about guilt by association! I guess guilt by association is only off the table when the ties are much closer, when the ties are with known terrorists (Ayers? Is there a “Bill Ayers” in the house?), and Barack Obama is the target of those allegations.

Let’s just suppose for a second the sort of fourth handle accountability that they’re talking about isn’t off the table. Let’s say that you should be culpable for the actions of people tangentially related to you in government or in business. If that were the case, then Bill Clinton would be personally culpable for mass murder due to the bungled handling of the Branch Davidian fiasco in Waco, Texas at the hands of federal agents under the command of Janet “torch the town” Reno. Barack Obama would be personally responsible for all of the ACORN voter registration fraud because he has not only worked for but benefitted from and has served as benefactor for ACORN. But we all know that that isn’t going to happen.

In today’s us vs. them society where the liberally dominated media defines what is fact and what is fiction, there is scant little hope for any actual justice anymore. The best we can hope for is that eventually the hysteria and derangement syndrome that surrounds the current administration will die down and people will start looking past the hype and start actually dialing in on the facts.

We need to move past the recent “hope hype” and get down to the only real hope that America has anymore… the hope that people will start reading past the first paragraph.

But We Elected Obama… They Have To Like Us Now, Right?

Apparently not.

CAIRO, Egypt – Al-Qaida's No. 2 leader used a racial epithet to insult Barack Obama in a message posted Wednesday, describing the president-elect in demeaning terms that imply he does the bidding of whites.

Well now that wasn’t very nice. What kind of people are these anyway?!?

The message appeared chiefly aimed at persuading Muslims and Arabs that Obama does not represent a change in U.S. policies. Ayman al-Zawahri said in the message, which appeared on militant Web sites, that Obama is "the direct opposite of honorable black Americans" like Malcolm X, the 1960s African-American rights leader.

Well, that would be the first guy that thought he was the opposite of Malcolm X.

"America has put on a new face, but its heart full of hate, mind drowning in greed, and spirit which spreads evil, murder, repression and despotism continue to be the same as always," the deputy of al-Qaida chief Osama bin Laden said.

So much for your “kumbaya platform” hippies. Apparently everybody hates us regardless of whether Bush is president or not. Maybe this is what it takes for you to figure that out.

He said Obama's plan to shift troops to Afghanistan is doomed to failure, because Afghans will resist.

The Afghans will resist? Um, the Afghans actually like us. It’s the Taliban and Al-Qaeda that might resist… and they’ll only do so until we kill them… again.

"Be aware that the dogs of Afghanistan have found the flesh of your soldiers to be delicious, so send thousands after thousands to them," he said.

He must mean that the dogs of Afghanistan have found the “'food' of [our] soldiers to be delicious” because I’ve been there and the only dogs I remember seeing were the ones that we adopted and fed well (who, by the way, became VERY loyal to us) and the starving ones that the locals abused when we patrolled outside the wire. Oh, and whenever the Taliban would get set to hit us, all of the dogs around them started to howl in warning. Even the dogs on our side, scumbag.

So, a quick re-cap: Al-Qaeda still doesn’t like us despite the audacity of hype, we’ve still got the best soldiers in the world, we’re well supplied, well fed, and armed to the teeth… and we’ve suborned your dogs.

Bring it.

Skewed Statistics From The ACLU and Human Rights Watch

WASHINGTON — Paddlings, swats, licks. A quarter of a million schoolchildren got them last year — and blacks, American Indians and kids with disabilities got a disproportionate share of the punishment, according to a study by a human rights group.

Holy crap! Minority kids are getting paddled, send in the FBI! Wait a minute, before we go off all half-cocked on a crusade to end the disproportionate, unfair, and obviously racially based corporal punishment of the juvenile portion of our nation’s melanin enhanced demographic, let’s take a look at the rest of the facts, shall we? I mean, before we gather up our pitchforks and torches and set off on our PC witch hunt, we should probably get all of the facts straight, right? I mean, what is the progenitor of these statistics?

For the study, which was being released Wednesday, Human Rights Watch and the American Civil Liberties Union used Education Department data to show that, while paddling has been declining, racial disparity persists. Researchers also interviewed students, parents and school personnel in Texas and Mississippi, states that account for 40 percent of the 223,190 kids who were paddled at least once in the 2006-2007 school year.

Human Rights Watch and the ACLU? Ohhhh, well then, the statistics MUST be completely unbiased and scientific. I mean, the ACLU and Human Rights Watch would never, ever skew statistics or muddy up the relationships between cause and effect to suit their own political needs, now would they? And of course the fact that they based their interviews in Texas which has a HUGE minority population in the form a gazillion Mexicans (many of whom are illegal), didn’t have any effect on their findings at all. Well, I’m sure the parents were responsible enough to ensure the welfare of their children by thoroughly reading the school’s handbook, becoming familiar with school policies, and preventing any unwanted disciplinary action by employing due diligence and parental responsibility backed up by a comprehensive understanding of their parental rights.

[The mom] could have filled out a form telling the school not to paddle her son, if only she had realized he might be paddled.

Or maybe not. Am I the only one who reads their kids’ school handbooks? Does anyone else out there realize that the policies that outline acceptable behavior and disciplinary repercussions in their children’s schools are clearly spelled out in those little books?

African American students are more than twice as likely to be paddled. The disparity persists even in places with large black populations, the study found. Similarly, Native Americans were more than twice as likely to be paddled, the study found.

Wait a minute! Stop the presses! Black kids get paddled most when the majority of the kids are black?!? This is shocking! SHOCKING I tell you! What other shocking news will they subject me to next?!?!

— In states where paddling is most common, black girls were paddled more than twice as often as white girls.

— Boys are three times as likely to be paddled as girls.

Boys get paddled three times as much as girls and ergo it’s a logical conclusion that boys misbehave three times more than girls?!?! That is a sexist outrage! Of course they do… they’re boys! This is the usual problem with these studies… cause and effect. The inference here is that boys get beaten more than girls because they are boys. The fact of the matter is that boys misbehave more often and more egregiously than girls and therefore are more likely to get the paddle. Buuuut, if you say that same phrase and replace “boy” and “girl” with any dissimilar racial demographic then you are a racist.

If only, if only there were some other alternative form of punishment that these kids could take instead of this barbarism!

It's not an easy choice. In many schools, kids can avoid a paddling if they accept suspension or detention, or for younger kids, if they skip recess. But often, a child opts for the short-term sting of the paddle.

Oh. I guess there is. Hmm, most of the parents must be railing against this if it’s such a problem.

During the three years Evan Couzo taught in the Mississippi Delta, he refused to paddle kids, offering detention instead. But others — teachers, parents, even kids — were accustomed to paddling.

"Just about everyone at the beginning of the year said, `If he or she gives you any trouble, you can paddle them. You can send them home, and I'll paddle them. Or you can have me come out to the school, and we can both paddle them.'

Well, it seems to me that the majority of the parents want this. It also appears to me that if a) most of the kids getting paddled are minorities and b) "Just about everyone at the beginning of the year said, `If he or she gives you any trouble, you can paddle them. You can send them home, and I'll paddle them. Or you can have me come out to the school, and we can both paddle them.', then c) it must be the minorities themselves that are giving the green light for the paddlings. So the logical assumption is that the ACLU and Human Rights Watch want to marginalize the parental rights of minorities by cutting off their preferred method of discipline. Ironic that two “human rights” groups are trying to infringe upon parental rights, isn’t it?

Is there racism in the world? Hell yes. Are there racist teachers? More likely than not. Does that account for all of the numbers that the ACLU and Human Rights Watch are feeding us? Nope. They’re playing with the numbers and using divisionary, inflammatory rhetoric so they can sway the ignorant masses to vote as they want them to vote and ergo influence the way all of our kids get taught, and ultimately raised. Beware groups that purport to defend your rights while surreptitiously eroding them. And don’t try to take away the rights of other parents because you fail to fulfill your responsibilities as one yourself.

Green Peace, PETA Implode Under Crushing Force Of Irony

STOCKHOLM, Sweden —  A Swedish university has received $590,000 in research funds to measure the greenhouse gases released when cows belch.

About 20 cows will participate in the study run by the Swedish University for Agricultural Sciences in Uppsala, about 40 miles north of Stockholm, officials said Monday.

Cattle release methane, a greenhouse gas believed to contribute to global warming, when they digest their food. Researchers believe the level of methane released depends on the type of food the eat.

Soooo, in order to stop the release of greenhouse gases and thereby save the earth, we have to slaughter all of the cows. And If we slaughter all of the cows, they will decompose and give off carbon dioxide which is another greenhouse gas. So in order to keep the cows from giving off all of these greenhouse gases, we will have to eat all of the cows.

All of this cow eating will, of course, cause all of us to have gas (especially those that prefer their dead cow with a lot of spices) thereby making us HUGE contributors to green house gases. So in order to avoid all of this senseless carbon, all of this inescapable logic flow ends in one unavoidable result: everyone in Greenpeace and PETA will have to commit suicide in order to save Gaia.

Way to jump on that grenade! The rest of humanity will give you a hat tip while we sit down to our burgers.

Same as it ever was.....

I have a few minor addictions...Starbuck's running at the top of that list.  Every morning when I go in, in my bleary sleep deprived generally cranky and dare I say it...bitchiness that is, well, me, I am forced to walk past the New York Slimes.  Even though I don't want to see it, I can't help but let my eyes drift to the headlines.

This morning, feeling bitchier than usual, I came across this headline on the front page:

A series of articles and multimedia about veterans of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan who have committed killings, or been charged with them, after coming home.

I expect this shit from these guys.  They hate the administration, they hate the military, they hate the right, they hate real men and most of all, they hate themselves.  After all, these are self-important pontificators who make their living telling people just how smart, connected and erudite they are.

In their social circles, in the scene in Manhattan, getting to trot out "I work for The Times" is dinner party conversation that actually impresses people.  In the circles I hang out with, saying "I work for The Times" is akin to "I am a pedophile and I skin kittens and puppies alive in my spare time."

Yes, I read the article, but be assured I did it on line so that I was not popping down a dime for them.  As I read the litany of examples of how our poor, evil f'uped military come home and continue their depraved ways by killing at home, I couldn't help but wonder how this article would work if they decided to focus on another group...say...the sons of single black mothers whose fathers are in jail.

My unscientific guess?  This example would bring far higher numbers of law breakers and social misfits.  How would society embrace THAT story?  That would be seen as racist, classist, all sorts of "ists" that would keep them from running it.....but shit on our military hereos????  No problem....Heasline news....

The New York Slimes

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